Day 6: February 7th, 2015
Well, today is the first day without active chemo “infusion” as they call it. So no trip to the hospital today to have poison pumped through my veins. It’s a small comfort, but at least I get to look froward to maybe feeling a bit better as the day goes on instead of, well, you know.
Another night of interrupted sleep, though I’m not sure it really makes a difference. Even when I sleep I don’t feel rested.
It’s a long weekend, which means I have three glorious days of freedom from the hospital, and the IV. And perhaps I will actually get to feel a bit better. The nurses say that I will, and that I won’t need anti-nausea drugs this week, or for the next two as I will not be having the two drugs that cause the worst of the side effects. I hope they are right!
I managed to cook myself a breakfast of bacon, eggs and hash-browns. Normally my favourite breakfast but today is was barely okay. Hardly any taste even though I cooked the hash-browns and eggs in the bacon fat. Amazing! Ugh! So many things taste bad already. Even water. It tastes “thick”. Apart from that, I have some numbness in my face, as if I’ve recently been to the dentist, which is odd.
My grandma called me this morning. We had a nice chat. She’s been re-assured by a friend of hers that I’m going to be cured, and I confirmed that is the most likely outcome. Cancer treatment has come a long way and I am very grateful for that. But it still has a long way to go. One day I hope we will find a treatment that doesn’t make you feel half-dead.
Rachelle then showed me some messages on my mom’s Facebook page from friends and family. I quit Facebook a long time ago so I hadn’t seen any of it. I can’t deny it, I had a bit of a breakdown reading the comments. It’s good to know that you’re cared about.
Day 7: February 8th. 2015
Sleep! Why doesn’t it work?! No matter how much I get I still feel very, very tired. But on the plus side I feel okay today, just some minor nausea in the early morning. The next couple of weeks where I am free from etoposide and cisplatin are very welcome indeed, I dread when the next cycle starts, and I’m daydreaming about better days.
Day 8: February 9th, 2015
I am not sure if I am going to keep doing daily updates over the next couple of weeks. I suspect it might get a bit repetitive during these “off” days. We’ll see.
I slept through the night. It doesn’t sound like much, but it’s an accomplishment. Of course that doesn’t mean I am not completely exhausted anyway, but it was nice to not wake up in the dark and end up staring at my phone for hours.
I woke up and ate shredded wheat for breakfast, something I used to hate but for some reason found very appealing today. Maybe my body just knows I need the fibre. My digestion is a mess, but I’ll spare you the details of that. Heartburn has just become an expected part of my life after every meal.
My face, hands and feet have gone numb. It’s a really awful feeling (or lack thereof). The literature I have says this is temporary and will correct within “months after treatment ends”. Oh joy. Months. Of course in “rare” cases it never goes away. That’s not a happy thought. Apart from that my body is just sore all over.
It’s pretty shitty that I have all this time on my hands and no mental or physical energy to actually do anything with it.